Hanks a lot

This 1,000 word flash-fiction is kept at PG for the Blog Hop, but I can’t say the same for the rest of the website. Content on other pages may contain violence or strong language. There is a link-list to the other great stories from this month’s Blog Hop at the bottom.

Gum Glumlick had been down in the muggy heat of the Verdant Layer for days. The underground forest’s air clung to him heavily, pressing upon his bare shoulders and muscled arms. A growl of frustration slipped out between jagged teeth. Droplets of sweat trickled down between the scales of his neck. In a society filled with humans and elves, dwarves and gnomes, Gum was a muddled hybrid of orc and lizard, and considered by most to be a grotesque offense to nature. Yet nature was where he felt the most comfortable. He was becoming a skilled ranger, determined to make his adopted mother proud by following in her footsteps. His next challenge was before him — to find a worthy animal to coax into becoming his first companion. His task, though, was not as easy as he had thought it would be.

“This is NOT as easy as I had thought it would be!”

It had taken Gum two days to track down his first choice. In the canopy above, he spied out a powerful leopard leaping from tree to tree. He took careful chase.

“Finally! Here we go! Get back here fella! Gonna name you Hank…”

Gum stalked the big cat for hours. The crafty beast led him on a rambling chase. When he eventually cornered it, he put lessons from his mother into practice, and courted the leopard with body language and mental empathy. With great trial and error, Gum believed he might have at least earned the leopard’s cool disinterest. “Which is better than fear and mistrust!” He praised himself.

Then disaster struck.

A monstrous rumble shook the Verdant Layer. An earthquake, rare but not unknown. Rocks clattered from the walls and Gum jump almost three feet straight up in surprise. The great cat yowled and bolted. It charged past Gum in a panic, knocking him aside to disappear into the dim forest.

Discouraged by his failure, he stared out into the gloom for what felt like hours. He chose to camp for the night. “This seems like a great place to camp for the night!” He muttered with false cheer.

In the morning, while sulking upon his misfortune, Gum spotted a swarm of dire bats erupting from their roost. “Fenric’s brass buttocks!” He exclaimed. “Would you look at those HUGE bats!” He tipped back his wide-brimmed hat to scratch at his skull, and traced the bats’ flight-path backwards to a gaping cave some seventy feet above the ground. He sighed with mild remorse. Perhaps a big cat wasn’t in his future, he decided. Maybe a dire bat?

Gum traveled for half a day towards the dire bat roost, weaving through shadowed trees. Before he reached the cliff face, though, he found spiders — gigantic fuzzy things that skittered within a nest of web-tangled trees. On the outskirts of the nest, one lone spider seemed to be waiting especially for Gum.

“My buddies would love to meet one of these!” Gum had thought, “If I could charm a giant spider as a companion, they’d be so jealous! Hah!” Clenching one fist, Gum stretched out only his thumb and pinky, and slowly wove a pattern in the air before the spider. “Hey big fella! You look like a Hank for sure. Imagine the tricks I could teach you!” He hummed and buzzed deep in his throat. “I’m sure this is how mother does it…”

“Gah! Blast it! Get off me, darn you!” It was spectacular actually; truly quite amazing how quick the buggers were. Just when Gum had thought he’d won over the big hairy fella, his foot had suddenly become entangled in nearby webbing.

Before he knew better, he was thrashing about, kicking his legs to get free. His thrashing alerted the whole darn nest and in seconds Gum was swarmed by a horde of angry giant spiders. “Dagnabbitall, Hank! Help me! Do something!”

Hank chomped on Gum’s ankle.

Gum punted Hank away with a curse and retreated, knocking giant spiders away from him with kicks and haymakers. With a mighty effort, he escaped.

Frowning and limping, Gum set his sights once more on the cave of dire bats. “Didn’t want no stupid spider anyways.” He grumbled, and he shook an angry fist at the cave, “Hank! You better be up there! I’m runnin’ outta patience!”

The climb up to the bats was manageable, almost peaceful, he thought. Considering the calamities he had suffered to get to this point, Gum felt cheerful again.

“Lady Luck has finally smiled upon me!” Gum grinned and looked up.

Lady Luck changed her mind and glowered down upon Gum Glumlick. She plopped a great glob of dire bat guano right on top of him. “P’tooie! Awgh! Whatheheck?!” His foot slipped in the thick muck coating the cavern floor and he collapsed with a howl. The noise was sudden and jarring. Giant bats jolted from their perches high above, exploding into flight with screeches. It took him ten minutes to extract himself from the cave, covered head to toe in muck and muttering grumpily. He clattered down the rocks to the edge of a nearby swamp and tried to clean himself.

“Cheer up, Gum,” he chided himself, “Things can’t get much wor… urk!!”

Something raspy and massive slammed into Gum and wrapped him up into the tightest hug he had ever endured. Emerald-and-gold scales shimmered before his eyes. The coils of a massive anaconda looped across Gum’s muzzle and broad chest, restraining one arm and both his legs. He writhed within the snake’s grip, but failed to break loose. His free hand flailed around uselessly. And then slowly a thought occurred to him: there was only one way to save himself.

He relaxed with resignation beneath the coils of the constrictor.

“Mmmffank…?” Gum gurgled. He stretched out his free hand, only his clawed thumb and pinky spread wide, and weakly waggled the hand near the snake’s huge head. A disheartened hum and buzz escaped his lungs.

He had really wanted Hank to be a big cat.

Follow these Blog Hop stories from other awesome authors!

Snow White Tabloid Style, by Fannie Suto
Starving Artist, by Samantha Bryant
The Halloween Dance, by Barbara Lund
The Ghost In My Yard, by Elizabeth McCleary
Her Majesty, by Katharina Gerlach
Chris Bridges Posting Storytime Blog Hop. Give her shout out and say Hello!
Black Moon, by Lauren M. Catherine
Poe’s Heart, by J. Q. Rose
Hanks A Lot, by Joseph Bouchard
In The Gray Lake, by Karen Lynn
The Right Honorable Brotherhood of Spirits, Poltergeists and Ghosts, by Vanessa Wells
Life of a Pumpkin, by Bill Bush
Why Should I?, by Gina Fabio
Reaper, by Juneta Key

And Chris Bridges is hosting the links on her own blog as well: Halloween story time blog-hop.